How I got Tim Schafer to draw me a naked lady.
Tim Schafer is probably one of my most favorite game designers ever. He was the lead designer on three of LucasArts greatest adventure games ever; Day of the Tentacle, Full Throttle, and Grim Fandango. After Grim Fandango, Tim Schafer left LucasArts to found DoubleFine Productions, Inc. At the time of writing, DoubleFine is still working on their first game, a platform adventure for the xbox named Psychonauts. Lately, Tim Schafer has been making a lot of updates, both related and completely unrelated to Psychonauts.
On Tuesday, August 6, 2002, Tim Schafer made the following update, in which he offered to draw a naked lady for anyone who purchased the latest issue of Official Xbox Magazine:
The excellent game Psychonauts also appears in the new issue of another magazine, but I'm not going to say which one until they send me some dang free copies. Why can't they just send me some like-- Hey, wait a second! Official XBOX didn't send me any yet either! Don't these people realize how poor Double Fine is? They think we're rich because we've got this flashy, world-class internet destination site here? Hey--I'll have you know I'm typing this web page out on a Timex-Sinclair 1000 I built myself in 1982! I don't even have a monitor! I'm just guessing at what it looks like! I've been lucky so far, but send me free magazines! Oh, but everybody else, you go out and buy a copy at the newsstand. We have to support the free press in America! Other countries don't have it so good--In those places the GOVERNMENT chooses what games appear in print. The state sets the review scores. Cheat codes are tightly controlled by the secret police. Here's a motivator: If you buy a copy of the August Official XBOX Magazine for its coverage of the excellent game Psychonauts, you will also get to read an article in there about nudity in video games. That's right. NUDITY. So GET MOVING. Of course all the actual nudity in the magazine is censored. But I'll tell you what. If you buy a copy and send me your proof-of-purchase, I will draw you a picture of a naked lady myself. And if you go out and buy an actual XBOX: Two naked ladies. |
Being a big fan of all of Tim Schafer's games, the chance to get some free artwork drawn by him seemed quite an attractive opportunity. I never mentioned this when I contacted DoubleFine, but I had already purchased a copy of Official Xbox Magazine that month. I didn't want to risk missing out, so I purchased another issue, so that my receipt would reflect a purchase date after the DoubleFine update was posted.
It took me a while to actually get around to scanning in the receipt, because I accidently lost it. Finally, on Friday, August 16, 2002, I emailed DoubleFine Productions with a scan of my receipt and the following message:
Dear Tim, Attached to this email is a scan of a receipt, which shows that I have purchased a copy of this month’s official xbox magazine. I purchased this just so I could get you to draw a naked lady for me. My address is below. Please don’t be a jerk and not send me a naked lady picture, because I really really want one, and you promised. Also, as a big supporter of equal rights for tentacles, I just wanted to thank you for the way in which you portrayed Green in Day of the Tentacle. It’s good to see tentacles in roles other than that of demonic rape monsters, as the Japanese so often depict them. It’s thanks to people like you that the anti-tentacle movement will one day cease to exist. Thanks, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send me that naked lady drawing. Please. |
I have to admit, I was really curious as to whether or not I would actually get the naked lady. I figured Tim Schafer would get hundreds of replies, and at most, I expected to be emailed with a generic response sent to everyone, and maybe an atteched jpeg of the naked lady. Boy was I wrong! Four days later, on Tuesday, August 20, 2002, I got an email response for DoubleFine Productions that read:
You will be happy to know that you are the VERY FIRST participant in the Double Fine Productions naked lady giveaway. Your nude art is on its way to you right now. Double Fine stands by its promises. Hope you like it! -info cow P.S. Regarding rape monsters: true dat. |
I was very excited to read this. I was a little skeptical that I had actually been the first respondee, especially given that it had taken me quite a while to email DoubleFine. I just assumed that it was Tim Schafer wanting to make me feel special.
I was on vacation in Switzerland for a few days following that email, and when I got back, a handwritten letter had arrived from Tim Schafer. On the envelope was written "Warning: ADULT Material Enclosed" Inside the envelope was a letter, which read:
Aug, 19, 2002 Martin, Congratulations! You are the very first participant in the DoubleFine Productions Naked Lady Giveaway! You're #1. Please enjoy this quality naked lady. She likes to work on her house on weekends. (Those are nails in her mouth) Please note that this art is on a Post it® note for easy hanging. Now go out and buy an XBOX and get two more naked ladies! Sincerely, |
And sure enough, there it was, my very own, hand drawn naked lady, signed by Tim Schafer.
Two days after posting the letter to me (in turn one day after he wrote it), Tim Schafer made an update to the DoubleFine Productions' news page mentioning me:
Thursday, August 22, 2002
As promised, I drew a naked lady and sent it to Martin. I hope you like it, you perv. Maybe I should have warned you--I can not actually draw. But if you understand fine art, you should be able to make out that she is holding a hammer and some nails. I imagined she was working on a house somewhere, like in the South, where it's hot and people are naked a lot. Also, I hope you appreciate the fact that I drew it on a post-it note so you don't have to worry about expensive hanging devices--it's ready to hang right out of the envelope! Piece of advice: get that post-it note insured. Once Psychonauts comes out and the world recognizes for what it is--not merely the greatest game ever made but easily the most significant document produced by mankind--and they burn the Mona Lisa and they smash Michelangelo's David because no other work of art is worthy of sharing the same planet with something as beautiful and true as Psychonauts--and after they rip the Constitution of the United States out of it's class case and replace it with a copy of our game--when all of that happens, you are going to be able to put your kids through college with that naked lady, my friend. Hell, you are going to be able to BUY your kids each their own college. They could have a summer college, a winter college, a college just for your dogs, and a college out by the pool that they just use to change in and out of their swimsuits. But-- you're never going to have kids, Martin M., if you don't shake your addiction to porn and go find a real lady. That's the real lesson here today. |
This update made me proud, because it confirmed that I had in fact been the only one to send in for the naked lady. It also named me as one of DoubleFine Productions' best friends :-)